Why is your love not always satisfactory? the group image of love addicts

are there any people who will die if you don't fall in love with yourself or the friends around you? Their men /girlfriends seem to have never been broken and are always in love. Just as smokers are addicted to smoking, we take care of the state that we will die if we don't fall in love.

is called "love addiction".

Love addiction is a kind of intimate relationship problem. The iconic behavior is the "endless search for the perfect partner". They believe that the failure of their love is because they have never met the "right person". So they will continue to jump from one relationship to the next as if without love, their life will lose meaning.

can love be addicted?

the reason why we are addicted to love is that when we first fall in love, there will be a couple whose (Limerence), is in this period, and their every move will make them very excited and happy. This is because the level of a chemical called PEA in our brain will rise, but generally we can understand that this passionate period will pass, after the hot love period. Couples can enter a stable long-term relationship.

but love addicts want to be "passionate" when they fall in love. They like the feeling of High when they first fall in love. This feeling of High makes them addicted to love like tobacco and alcohol.

paradoxically, although love addicts may often change partners and seem to be very unfaithful, they are extremely devoted to every relationship. They love each other and even regard each other as the most important person in the world. So on the one hand, in the old relationship, because they regarded each other as the most important person in the world, they were afraid of being abandoned by each other. On the other hand, after breaking up, they will immediately look for a new partner and a new relationship.

what will love addiction look like?

indulge in dating software. Hope to find the perfect partner

feel very anxious when not in love

when they are not in love, they will give up their hobbies, friendships, and even dignity to please each other

extremely afraid of the other person's unhappiness. Fear of being abandoned

to maintain a relationship through sex, money, or other temptations

desperate after a breakup. Even trying to commit suicide

to believe that the "right person" can repair (Fix) himself

, to sum up, the behavior of love addicts in love revolves around a core intention: to find the "right person", only the right person can Fix them.

so it seems that love addicts are in endless relationships, but in fact they are trying to repair their wounds through periods of love. And this also explains why people are addicted to love.

Trauma makes us scared and addicted.

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Love addiction usually results from traumatic experiences in childhood, such as unmet needs, emotional neglect or feeling abandoned by parents. In particular, women who have been sexually assaulted in childhood often suffer from love addiction when they grow up.

these unresolved injuries in the early years can make addicts extremely lack of self-confidence and sense of security, making it impossible for them to establish healthy relationships with others. Among them, the feeling of abandonment experienced in the early years is the most important influencing factor in the relationship with the caregiver.

the sense of abandonment in childhood

if children feel abandoned or ignored by their parents in childhood, children often think of themselves as "unlovable" and "worthless". This belief follows them all the time, and after adulthood, they still feel that they are not worthy of being loved and incomplete.

so they will crazily seek affirmation and approval from one relationship after another. Will repeatedly confirm with your partner, "do you still love me?" Because they are afraid of being abandoned again, the slightest threat to their feelings will make them anxious and frightened, and this fear of being abandoned often makes them beg, control and please each other, so love addicts are often regarded as "clingy".

and once the love is over, the pain of being abandoned drives them to find the next person who can Fix them. But at the end of each relationship, they relive the despair of being abandoned, and as their relationship continues to fail, it is as if they are repeating the traumatic stories they experienced in their early years.

there are some people who are afraid of falling in love after being deeply hurt by a relationship, but love addicts subconsciously rely on others to complete them and make them feel happy and complete. the excitement at the beginning of love and the idea of finally finding the one will make them briefly forget the trauma and pain of their childhood, which is the key to keeping them in the cycle of love addiction.

the basis of this cycle is that addicts are abandoned every time, so after so many relationships, haven't they met a good person who doesn't abandon them? Ironically, when love addicts meet a stable and safe partner, the stability and sense of security are strange to them, so they run away instead. And then return to the short-lived, painful, abandoned relationship they are familiar with.

how to quit love addiction?

the treatment of love addiction is the same as quitting alcohol and smoking, in the course of treatment, addicts are required not to fall in love. The purpose of treating love addiction is to enable addicts to have healthy intimate relationships and establish appropriate boundaries (not to lose themselves in order to please each other). The main methods are:

look back on your childhood experience and increase awareness

what you need to distinguish is that your partner is not your parents. Sometimes they play the same role, and sometimes they even behave the same way, but the partner is not the perfect parent you've never had. When the relationship and feelings between you and your partner repeat the feelings between you and your early caregiver (you control me like my mother! You are as indifferent to me as my father! ), you have to be aware of it. weThe feelings and injuries experienced in our early years are not dealt with, and we are often inexplicably attracted by similar situations and similar feelings.

reshape belief

with the help of counselors, it is most important to let love addicts know that they are "worthy of being loved". Secondly, cognitive behavioral therapy, social learning, and group therapy can be used to transform the deep-rooted "pursuit of perfect love" in the addicts' brain (how I wish ta was an ideal parent I never had) into the exploration of self and relationship. Grow up with another imperfect person and build a relationship with each other.

the process of quitting love addiction is more like the process of growing up.

We will gradually understand that love is not perfect.

and expect others to complete ourselves, we are often disappointed.