Gender and Power in intimate relationship-- from Zhang Liangying's proposal

the knowledge of pop music and singers is limited, and the news that Zhang Liangying proposed to her boyfriend at the concert is also an afterthought, with limited attention: until I saw all kinds of discussions on the Internet, I suddenly felt that putting aside the judgment and speculation on other people's personal and feelings, the matter itself, and the voices it aroused, is a good case for discussing gender, power, and intimacy.  according to our social norms, in the face of intimate relationships, a "good" woman should be passive, reserved, and abstinent-such a "good woman" image is deeply rooted in the traditional concept of chastity. In such gender discipline, women seem to be fruit, standing full on paper waiting for harvest.  according to such gender norms, the key to "love mentor" teaching women how to play hard to get and show their mind is "ingenious implication"-in such gender discipline, not to mention taking the initiative to propose, even taking the initiative to express love and "chasing back" is considered to be a kind of deviance, anomie and a "drop in price". & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; and it is this kind of gender discipline that shows incisively and vividly in the negative comments on Zhang Liangying's "unsolicited" marriage proposal: her unsolicited marriage proposal is called "forced" marriage and is regarded as "ugly and extremely embarrassing". Not to mention the fact that passers-by A, B, C, and D shouted that "passers-by should turn black", even her proposal had to face a special public statement, saying, "I should have done what happened on the stage today." & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; "I should have done what happened on stage today"-"I should have done it", as opposed to women being disciplined to be "passive and reserved", while men, or masculinity, should be active, extroverted and aggressive. In this way, the binary opposition in the continuous discipline has gradually become the background without reflection in the interaction between the two sexes and has also become the basis of many gender inequalities. & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; in this sense, for the traditional norms of gender relations, "unsolicited marriage proposal" does seem to be challenging. "Challenge" or "reinforcement"? ] & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; however, if the discussion stops and the applause for Zhang Liangying are heard, believing that her unsolicited proposal is a challenge to the existing gender order-then the applause may still be a little too early. & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; in an intimate relationship, "proposal" is a very interesting interaction: "will you marry me /marry me?", "marry me /marry me", "you are mine", "if you want to marry me /marry me." Although the words are similar, they show different power relations. 

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The unilateral proposal, or even the "notice" style of "if you want to marry me /marry me," is similar to the gesture of flowers and candles below the dormitory of college girls, shouting "XX, you can come downstairs if you like to be my girlfriend." to some extent, there is a faint resemblance to the discipline that "women should be passive and reserved and men should take the initiative to fight for it" in intimate relationships. In addition to the binary opposition to the role of gender temperament, a more far-reaching point is: it acquiesced, intimate relationship, there must be a strong action, the other weak passive; It acquiesces that "active", "overbearing" and, in some cases, "unilateral demands" are allowed. & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; then perhaps the gender of "who is strong and who is weak" can be changed, but such a simple change in the arrangement and combination of gender does not touch the more basic power norms of the opposition between the strong and the weak.  The concept of Hegemonic Masculinity (hegemonic masculinity is often used in gender studies. 

Under this paradigm, social culture constructs an ideal set of "masculinity", and it is this construction and practice that constantly strengthens the existing relationship between gender power and oppression. However, it is not only men's behavior that strengthens hegemonic masculinity, but it is not women who are oppressed in the oppressive relationship. It is the transgressions and deviants of all gender norms. & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; therefore, the reason for saying "applause rings too early" is that Zhang's challenge to men in the existing gender order is to be "aggressive" only as a woman-however, there is no challenge to the norms of both hegemonic and heteronormative, which are "strong and weak" by default and have no problem with "active bullying" by default. [intimacy and power relationship] & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; of course, anyone's feelings are complex, and very often, what outsiders can see is only the tip of the iceberg. Therefore, this article does not make any value judgment on other people's feelings. & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; power relationship is only one dimension of understanding intimacy: in the feelings of two individuals, is there something wrong with one party being strong and the other weak? Not exactly. This article aims at a kind of "acquiescence" and taking it for granted in the face of indiscreet distinction between strong and weak in social norms and gender discipline. Although it is not advisable for nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; to understand intimate relationships as power relationships, it is also a kind of oversimplification to abandon power relationships and understand gender relationships.